EDIT – and the Seattle Sounders take crap, and make crap-ade. Giving the season ticket holders their money back for Saturday's game is just a masterful public relations maneuver. Not since Peter Wilt Himself graced our league has an executive been looking out for his flock so well.

Of course, if the Sounders keep playing like that, Paul Allen will be bankrupt by Flag Day.

I actually have a lot of time for Seattle fans. They were absolutely wonderful hosts this past November, the whole atmosphere was terrific, and everything we've seen since the announcement of the franchise until about, oh, 2:00 pm local time yesterday said that there was nothing better than to be a Seattle soccer fan.

So this is why I say it would take an utterly callous, heartless, soulless fiend to read this thread without laughing hysterically.

Welcome to the league, chumps! Your team went into a game as a solid favorite with everything to prove, and laid a big fat donkey egg. Your boys quit at the hour mark, and you were left there to contemplate why you were even bothering to cheer if the team couldn't be bothered to play. Your great players, your role players, your backups, your coaching staff, luck, fate and hubris all worked together to make Saturday's game a truly miserable experience. You watched a game with absolutely no positives, absolutely no upside, a game so abject you'll wonder if you'll win another game the rest of the year.

Congratulations! You're a real MLS team now! We can laugh, because we've all been there.

Well…no, we can laugh, because it's so god-damned funny. It's because we've all been there that we're not laughing quite as hard.

Some teams get this out of the way early, like our defending champions back in 'aught five, or our new friends the Goonion. Some teams take a decade or so to get their comeuppance, like when the Fire and Galaxy took a while before they missed the playoffs. But like death and Texas, it happens to everyone.

Besides, someday it'll happen to Portland and Vancouver.
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I don't know whether to tease an interview I had with Landon Donovan next week…or apologize for it in advance. Probably Column B.

Just to let everyone know…there's an endorsement involved. Landon Donovan talks to Grant Wahl because he likes him. Me, if I want to ask Landon questions, I have to make sure I ask about the thing he wants to specifically talk about. With Dwayne De Rosario, it was malaria. (Come to think of it, I should also have asked Landon about malaria.)

What can I say. I'd love to sell out, but who's buying? Real reporters don't do this, but it happens all the time on sports talk shows. I'm sorry I wasted Landon's time with my silly non-product-related questions, but at least one question and answer sequence was totally worth it.

For me. Not him. Maybe not for you, either, but you'll find out next week.