….you know what, this Landon interview has turned into a god-damned kidneystone. Even Fake Sigi is calling me out over it. Fine. Welcome to Planned Parenthood – hope you enjoy this abortion:

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DL: Let me start with the most important question first. What's Alan Gordon really like?

LD: What's he like?

DL: Yeah. We only see the professional Alan Gordon, we don't really get to know what he's like as a person.

LD: Gordo is probably the most liked guy on the team.

DL: Oh. Really?

LD: He's funny, personable, and he's always showing up and training hard every day.

DL: I didn't know that. Second question. Do you realize how vitally important it is for you to beat England?

LD: Well…we can not beat England, and still advance. O ur focus is on getting to the second round, and realistically, we don't have to beat England to do that. I understand the historical significance of the game. We may never get the opportunity to play England in the World Cup again. But as long as we get to the second round, that's what's important.

DL: Have you had a chance to scout Slovenia and Algeria?

LD: We have quite a few DVDs. I haven't had a chance to look at them yet. A few of our guys play against some of their players for their clubs, so we'll have some idea from a style standpoint, certainly how Slovenia plays.

DL: So you won't be going in completely in the dark.

LD: No. It's the World Cup. We've got 26, 28 days to prepare for the first game, then we'll have to turn around quickly.

DL: What position do you play?

LD: Depends on where the coach wants me to play. For LA, a lot of different positions. For the US, outside midfield is a position I feel comfortable in. But I can play wherever the coach wants me.

DL: It seems like you've been on sort of a crusade to get Edson Buddle, at least called into camp, if not on the roster.

LD: It's not my decision. Buddle – everything he's done, he's done it himself. No one does it for him. We see his value every day, and it would be good for him to at least go to camp and show what he can do.

DL: I apologize for asking this question, but just for the record – in 2005, did AEG force you to go to the Galaxy instead of San Jose?

LD: No one forces me to do anything. I'm in control of every aspect of my life.

DL: Okay! This might be out of left field, but, I'd like to watch television on my cell phone. Maybe even have a portable television. Is there some way you can help me out?

LD: Is this about FLO-TV?

DL: Well, yeah.

LD: It's just now getting on people's radar screens. It's really, really cool, actually. I have on this road trip [Colorado and Seattle], and the guys love it.

DL: What have you been watching?

LD: We were watching the Magic and Hawks play. Chris Klein watches CNBC.

DL: And the World Cup will be on it?

LD: ESPN mobile will have all the World Cup games. There will also be a dedicated World Cup channel. It's definitely good for airports and hotels, people who travel a lot, they'll be able to follow the World Cup wherever they go.

DL: Thanks very much!

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Wow. Was THAT ever worth it.

Well, I've learned my lesson. You think the New York Times would do crap like this? Hell no.

Tell you what, why don't I watch some soccer, and then maybe later I'll make some jokes about it.